I just ate a handful of vegan chocolate chips that I really didn't want. Why? you may ask. Because I am "doing" a cleanse. Or trying to do a cleanse. Or I guess I am doing a bastardized version of Dr. Schulze's liver cleanse. Ahhh cleansing. Day 2.
I was going to write this blog today and then my mom just called and told me to check out the New York Times-
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/28/fashion/28Cleanse.html?pagewanted=1
Good timing. I am not alone.
The best line- "The next three days could be summed up thus: 1. I need food. 2. Hey, this isn’t bad! 3. Kill me now".
I was talking with my yoga students about this this morning. I confuse myself. Whats new?
My diet by most standards is supremely healthy. I am mostly a raw vegan, I juice daily, I practice and teach yoga, I believe in and do colonics when I can, don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. So you'd think I would be able to handle a measly little cleanse for a few days. I always think that I can too, and then the harsh reality sets in. There is something about a "cleanse", meaning no food just juices and potions and tinctures, that turns me into a fiesty 12 year old. "I am NOT gonna do that! No way. I need my coffee". The funny part is that most days I mostly do a juice fast anyway without even thinking about it. Forego my 1 cup of organic coffee with coconut milk creamer b/c I am just not in the mood. But oh no, a cleanse tells me not to do something and I MUST HAVE IT!
Reverse psychology 101.
Yoga is such an amazing practice b/c you can learn how to change your ways but also accept the ones that are truly tough to change or maybe don't really make that big a difference anyway. Even though there are many things in myself that I would like to change or somehow convince myself that I have changed (trying a cleanse once again)...there are also ones that as I get older and more comfortable in my own skin, I have to learn to just...ACCEPT.
When I tough love myself I see that I will always be the kind of girl who cuts her own bangs, I know this is bad and risky and I have the bangs to prove it, but its always gonna happen. I am not driving across town for a bang trim. Not gonna happen. Ever.
I will always be the kind of girl who pops her zits and squeezes pores within an inch of their life. I know its horrendous, have the scars to prove it. Not gonna change. Ever.
I will always be the kind of girl who orders food a la Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally", with things on the side, things added, and with hot sauce. Its who I am . Not gonna change. Ever.
I am okay with these things because although they may be annoying to those around me, they don't really do any harm. Its who I am. And thank Buddha my husband loves me regardless and is there to help with damage control. He looks after my food needs when we go out to restaurants, hands me alcohol soaked cotton balls post-pick and thinks my bangs are cute.
The funny thing is, is that I only started this damn cleanse to be a supportive partner to my husband who is doing it. He is a rockstar and I am a mess. And it's not even that big a deal. He is literally doing everything to the letter, and I am handfuls into chocolate chips and on my second cup of coffee (although, in my own defense I have been sleeping horribly due to my dog keeping me up at all hours of the night, but that is another blog. I am cracked out).
Even last night after a delicious salad (before the 3 day juice fast started) at Real Food Daily, my husband very sweetly said that I didn't need to do this with him. I was like "wait, what? I want to be supportive. I am doing this. It will be fun". And he said, "well, I don't want to have to deal with you freaking out everyday because you need food". Well, obviously I was outraged. This was A) very offensive and B) very true.
Oh great so now I am the handicap. Why are partners so annoyingly right on about certain things...? I find it amazing how so many men that I know who eat total S*&t! can do the master cleanse for 10 days without batting an eye, and I cannot even last 1 day. Interesting.
So this morning, I dragged myself out of bed cursing my beloved pooch for barking all night, and made my hubs a big bottle of green juice to take to work, along with his bag of powdered greens, tinctures and glass jars. I decided that I just need to do this on my own terms. Add more to my health instead of taking away from it (sanity). So I am drinking my tinctures and teas and juices but also easing up from trying to do it "right" or even that well. Because the truth is, a little cleanse is just a jump off point for most. It is a way to reset your buttons and body. It is a great start, but it is just a start. True cleansing comes from weeks, months, years, decades on a healthy path.
So dear lovelies, be gentle with yourself, take baby steps and be happy. Because you are what you eat, but you are also the way in which you eat.
Peace and green juice,
xoxoxox McLean
you ARE a rockstar.
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